the literal adventures of the struggle bus

Generally, when planning any sort of trip with friends (ie fellow volunteers), this conversion will arise.  “Soooo…. How do you wanna get to  (random destination – lets be honest, its probably a party)?” “Um, well there’s that bus that leaves at (totally unreasonable hour… usually in the 3 to 4 am range)” “yeah that’s true…. (said in a tone that clearly indicates the dread of said bus trip) but the price just went up and now its like (random amount of meticais that anyone not living on a peace corps salary will think is reasonable)” “Well, I mean we can always just boleia down (“boleia” in English is hitchhike)” “Yep, that’s definitely the better option. We can sleep in and save money (which you probably wont because – since you don’t have to wake up ungodly early - you’ll probably decide to have a few beers … if you give a mouse a cookie…)”

And now is the time when you’re probably seriously reconsidering my ability to make decisions. “Ummmm are you really supposed to be hitchhiking around Africa?” Well, lets weigh the options, shall we. 

Say you take the bus or chapa. It will go something like this… wait for chapa, wait for chapa, wait for chapa. Elbow someone in an attempt to get a seat… which turns out to really just be a piece of cardboard or a metal bar – or a maybe, just a bucket.  You’re already in a super good mood (…not) as a result of just getting on the chapa.  Now, you will inevitably face any one of these situations:

 1. Spend then next 4 hours trying to ignore the cobrador (the guy you pay) who is asking for your number/desperately wants to marry you/ wants you to take him to America. 

2.  Be continually harassed by a drunken man yelling in local dialect that everyone else is finding amusing – and that clearly is directed at you –but that you cant understand. 

3. Think that, this time, your legs/foot/arm might actually fall off because it/you are shoved into a space that is about a fifth of the size you would consider normal/comfortable. 

4. Find yourself within inches of any kind of live animal who is also not pleased about this transportation situation. 

5. Magically end up with someone’s baby/child/suitcase/tub-of-potatoes on your lap (excuse me ma’am, I packed this very small backpack so that I didn’t have to deal with this – it was not an invitation to hand me one of your extra large suitcase… or your child… ps there is NO WAY you can need a bag that large…).  

6. Spend an extra 2 hours sitting on the side of the road because the bus broke down in the middle of no-where.

 SO. There you have it. That’s the “normal” public transportation option.

broken down on the side of the road

Now, lets look at the boleia option. You bypass the bus stop and walk down the road a ways – we’re not looking for local traffic here.  Hopefully, you’re with one or two other girls (one of the few times being a woman here is wayyyyy more advantageous than being guy).  You find a shady spot, put your backpack down, and sit down to chat about how your 8^th grade students still can’t figure out how to use the verb “to be”.  Since its just a two lane road that stretches on forever, you can see cars coming at least 30 second before they pass you.  Now you decide “how picky you’re going to be.”  No one’s in a rush, you decide to be super-picky (as opposed to “I don’t care – if it has wheels and is moving, we’re getting in/on”).  A semi passes – no one flags it down – you’re not desperate. Maybe a flatbed truck with room in the cab or an open back pickup pass  and they stop for you– but the driver wants you to pay 300 mets a person (that’s already half the price of the bus)…. Ehhh … you can do better.  You sit back down.  Then, you see a really sweet car coming – like a nice little car, or a private SUV, or maybe a landcruiser.  Go! Go! Go! Someone jumps up and trots practically into the road (hey, you need the car to stop) and flash a friendly smile.  You see the car has plenty of space –and judging by the fact the windows are rolled up, its probably got AC. Bomb. And its slowing down! So you or your friend, whoever, chases the car as it stops. Turns out it’s a South African on vacation or a nice little Mozambican family or someone on a business trip and of course they’ll take you to (random destination) and they didn’t mention a price soooo its probably free! You wave the other girls over and hop in the backseat. The driver is impressed with your Portuguese, is interested in you’re school/village, and generally fascinated with what you’re doing. BAM. You make it to your final destination in half the time it took the bus, and you got a nice little nap in, too. AND you didn’t pay a dime. In fact, the driver probably bought you a coke or offered you a snack at some point.

free, sweet beach boleia in the back of a flatbed truck

What’s reallyyyyy entertaining though, is when you get to race. Say 12 people are headed to the beach.  So you break in a few groups and see who fares the best.  Its just one road, so you’re bound to pass each other on the road at some point. And hopefully you’re in the sweet car that’s passing the people standing on the side of the road because their chapa blew a tire half way through the trip (which is when you send that snarky “haha! Suckasss”  text).  Its pretty much Amazing Race…